thank you, clarity

so i'm finishing up seven weeks' worth of projects with this post.  that's crazy. life, also, is crazy.  there was a bit of a delay in getting this here last of the seven lists up. all good now.  just remember, friends, breathe deeply from time to time when life overwhelms. 

ten things and people for whom i am grateful

the passage of time

when i was younger and people and circumstances hurt more deeply i could not imagine that i would ever move on from them. i could replay events like no one's business. blame that taurus sun, cancer moon, and scorpio rising. (aside: what a freaking combination!)  

honestly, i didn't learn coping skills aside from the "life gives no craps about you so suck it up" sentiment floating around me.  it's taken a lot of discussion, alone time (maybe too much), and a lot of changes that proved beyond my control to create some distance between who i thought i was as a result of others' actions/inactions and who i'm proud to be now.   

i've learned to forgive and let go and to not self-victimize. it's still hard at times not to play justice-police when i'm super invested in someone or something.  but all in all, i'm thankful that i've been able to tamp down the mood swings, recognize and communicate my feelings without ending the world over them, and keep pressing forward.

my core group of friends

and a brother for good measure. (i'm sure he'll hate this picture!)

i have great people around me, even after all the dust has settled and growing's been had.  they have definitely been the glue keeping me together for a decade or more.  some may have come in and out of my life over time, but i know who i can call up at random and count on for a post-work beach adventure, getting-at-the-marrow-of-life discussions, and foodie pursuits. at one point or another, they've all have helped me find my way out of a rough patch and kept me going: vanessa for her ability to make me laugh when i can't find it in me to smile, cathy for always being the voice of reason and assuredness when i start throwing any and all options at the wall, and kareem for his willingness to get up and adventure with me and tell me the truth when i don't want to hear it. there are many, many other people whom i love dearly and will profile at some point - i still have things to make for people! -  but these three have seen me through the most enduring changes. love love love!

travel and adventure

i would not be nearly as thoughtful or well-intended if i hadn't gotten out of my comfort zone early in life; i was totally too shy and my first trip to florida on an airplane at eight made a huge impact. also learned i was allergic to carrots on that flights, but hey!

in twenty-seven years, i've been to florida five or six time, visited two vastly different areas in north carolina (durham and outerbanks heyo!), did the stopover in virginia to see my uncle, spent time in maryland and dc seeing juan's cousin and doing the standard national mall tour (in ninety degree weather), bumbled through pennsylvania for gettysburg and that country feel, saw a lot of the california coast, and relaxed in the serenity of an abandoned, locals-only cape cod.  

i've picked citrus fruit on my uncle's desert scrub ranch in california, marched down main street in disney, visited nasa's headquarters, gallavanted about italy, river-rafted more than once, rolled a go-kart in south jersey, stood at the side of the grand canyon and thought... meh, meandered through the carpet-lined basement arcade forest of the excalibur in las vegas, broke into the tropicana hotel (with the stage manager ok!), traveled the high seas in search of tuna but finding only nausea, avoided a shooting in ohio (oh, band trip), jumping off cliffs when i was scared ish-less, stared at the stars on a picnic table in the catskills, and stowed away on farms. travel has opened my eyes and my heart.

family - blood and chosen

yes, we may fight or not fight, talk or not talk, complain about each other or not, but we have a great deal of love for one another.  my cousins have been especially important to me and i treasure them for the special blend of wtf and affection that they bring to my life. 

my relationships with my aunts and uncles have moved into the twenty-first century.  each one brings a tempered humor, or an amazing intelligence, or gentle kindness, or yearning for newness and change. i am grateful to my aunt jean and uncle gib especially for treating me as if i was a third child (love!) and my own parents for being patient with a first-born who is exactly one half of each of them, my sister, for her creative eye and endless support, and my brother for his willingness to go beyond himself to make me feel special or appreciated, even if we don't always much see too eye-to-eye.

 

creativity and an inspired childhood

simply put, i don't know what i would do with myself if i wasn't able to write or make or create.  my mind is tuned into inspiration whenever i can find it and i often feel empty if i'm not working on something.  as a kid, i had a superbly active imagination; we played all sorts of games as alternate personas, whom i had painstakingly drawn and biographied and detailed. there was 'cat force', a time-travelling group of bandits, an adoption agency (with even a great white shark in its care!), and several harry potter one-off-stories and fanfics.  i have binders and binders of information and lists from the ages of ten to eighteen that i love to pull out from time to time.  you could tell a lot about who we wanted to be as people by the characters we chose.

juan
he stepped into my life when i wasn't expecting him, like all good people and changes do.  he has so many of the qualities that i do not have and admire in others; he is inexplicably patient, does not chain himself to outcomes he cannot control, and is naturally very talented in just about every discipline. he is, without doubt, the strongest man i know and sometimes the stubbornest!  he loves me when i don't know how or why someone could love me sometimes, and he knows that in those moments i need to be told the most.  he is super handsome, super kind, and the best. i love him and look forward to spending more days with him soon; also that rest of my life type thing!

my pets

i love all animals - except slugs and worms, noble members of the ecosystem though they are. my past and present fur-babies have brought so much joy into my world. my three ratties and all of our dogs have a special place in my heart. coco is already in great company.

inner moral compass and intuition

we all screw up from time to time and i'm no different. i appreciate knowing what the "right thing" is and acting on it ninety-nine percent of the time.  i've also learned to trust my gut and believe in the unseen. the universe is not out to get me, but i have to believe that there's a greater web of synchronicity connecting everyone and everything, otherwise i'd be lonely.

music and my trumpet
my mother tried to convince me to play the saxophone in fourth grade, or the clarinet. i still have no idea why i didn't listen. i've played the trumpet for almost twenty years, give or take. 

even though i don't play very often now, i cannot imagine my life as a non-musician.  just the other day i was helping my cousin netty read some sheet music. i picked up her extra trumpet and read along with the clarinet part, even hitting some of the high notes.  it's a love that doesn't go away; it stays in your blood.

the ability to make others laugh and smile

everyone needs to step outside of themselves once in a while, i think, and it's important to have someone around you who can take the edge off.  i enjoy being able to help in whatever way i can.

this week:  making some paper flowers, which will count as one of my TBD DIYs!  links to tutorial pages will be included.  inspiration drawn from christa's gathering. she's made a beautiful DIY bouquet and will be an even more beautiful bride in october!