for a while i thought about going back to your grave to sit for as long as i needed. could have been five minutes or an hour, but i wanted to go alone or with sara to put the book end on this decade. i'm not going to go today. i could go any day i want to, but i don't feel that i need to anymore. ten years is a long time to grow and heal.
there are a few people you meet who fundamentally change your life. you did that for me. knowing you and experiencing your loss made me stronger, more compassionate, more fearless in the face of death and struggle, and more attuned to the subtleties of grief. i've run the full gamut of human emotion: panic, utter desperation, sheer and unequivocal joy for being alive.
and now that i've seen and done so much, loved and lost and loved again, your story does not need to define me. i live my life for myself. so, one last letter.
-----
britt,
i'm thankful for those three short weeks, for your orange and pink that so complemented my blue and purple. i will hold onto the small moments in which we talked and really started to get to know one another, and will carry your spirit with me. i will do my best to rise above fear and do the courageous thing, the right thing. i will not close myself off to new experiences and friendships. i will continue live as you lived those three weeks: free and full of joy.
ann
yup
ReplyDelete